10 Tips for Socialising Without Alcohol (Without Making It a Whole Thing)

One of the things nobody really prepares you for when you stop drinking is how weirdly uncomfortable it can feel to be the only sober person in the room. Not necessarily because you want a drink, but because you don't want to have to explain why you're not having one.

I stopped drinking in July 2021, and while it's genuinely one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself, I quickly realised that alcohol is so ingrained in our social lives that choosing not to drink can sometimes feel like you're breaking some sort of unspoken rule. And when you have ADHD, social situations can already come with their own challenges. Overthinking, people-pleasing, rejection sensitivity, feeling like you need to match everyone else's energy. Throw in being the only sober person at a party and suddenly your brain has another 30 things to think about.

But here's what I've learned…

You don't need to make a big announcement. You don't need to justify your decision. And you definitely don't need to spend the entire night explaining your relationship with alcohol to someone who's had four glasses of wine. Over the years, I've picked up a few little tricks that make socialising without alcohol so much easier. Some are practical. Some are psychological. And some are basically just ways to avoid having the same conversation 15 times in one night.

Here are my 10 favourites.

1. Put a lime wedge in your drink.

Sparkling water + lime looks enough like a gin and tonic that nobody thinks twice about it.

2. Ask for it in a cocktail or wine glass.

The glass weirdly makes a difference. Soda water in a wine glass feels much more like you’re joining in.

3. Always have something in your hand.

People are much more likely to offer you a drink when you’re standing there empty-handed.

4. Get your own drinks.

Instead of letting someone do a round for you, say, “I’ll grab mine!” It saves the whole conversation about what you’re drinking.

5. Have your answer ready before you go.

You don’t owe anyone your life story. “I’m not drinking tonight” or “I just feel better without it” is enough.

6. If someone keeps pushing, make it boring.

Don’t over-explain. “Nah, I’m good.” Repeat as required. 😂

7. Order something that actually feels like a treat.

A nice mocktail, sparkling water with lime, kombucha, alcohol-free beer. If your alternative is sad tap water all night, of course drinking looks more appealing.

8. Give yourself permission to leave early.

You do not have to stay until everyone else is six drinks deep. I have found there is a VERY specific point in the night where sober me is like, “Yep. That’ll do.”

9. Have an exit plan.

Drive yourself, know how you’re getting home, or decide roughly when you want to leave. Especially helpful for the ADHD brain that can feel trapped once you’re somewhere.

10. Remember that people notice WAY less than you think.

I think this is the biggest one. Most people are far more interested in what’s in their own glass than what’s in yours. And if you’ve got sparkling water and lime in a wine glass, half of them probably think you’re drinking anyway.

A Final Thought

I want to finish by saying that you absolutely do not need to hide the fact that you're not drinking. If you're comfortable telling everyone, amazing. If you're proud of your sobriety and want to talk about it, you should. But if you're newly sober, sober curious, taking a break, or simply don't feel like drinking that night, you deserve to enjoy yourself without making your decision the topic of conversation.

These days, I genuinely don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I still go out, I still laugh, I still have fun. I just get to wake up the next morning without a hangover, questionable bank transactions, or the crippling anxiety of wondering what I said to someone at 1AM. Which, as someone with ADHD who already overthinks enough things, is a pretty lovely bonus.

And one last thing. You don't have to have a drinking problem to decide that alcohol is a problem for you. You can simply decide that your life feels better without it. That's reason enough.

Tash x

If you found this helpful, you can follow me on Instagram at @adhdwithtash, where I share everyday ADHD tips, practical strategies, and the occasional overshare.